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My 10 Least Favorite Video Games of All Time (5-1)
Number 5: Two Worlds (Xbox 360) I probably should have known what I was getting into when my Hollywood video was having a going out of business sale where everything was like 50% off, and the store had several unopened and still wrapped cases of this game. Virtually all of the other games there were used without cases and just the scraps that no one else took. But hey, the game said that it was like Oblivion on steroids, and I liked Oblivion. I didn't think it was good as Morrowind, but whatever. I found out that this was probably the best PSA ever made. It's not so much Oblivion on Steroids, but Oblivion on meth. Maybe magic mushrooms. You've heard the complaints of this one, and should watch ProJared review this mess. It's full of really stupid dialogue, lackluster gameplay, and an uninspired world. Oblivion's world may not have been the most original thing ever, but they made it the most beautiful thing they could. Two Worlds looks incredibly bleak and not colorful in the slightest. This game has the campiest dialogue that I've ever seen and some of the worst writing. It's either going to be so bad it's good to you, or just painful. I find it painful. Nothing that makes an RPG worth playing is in this game. There's no deep story. The open world is boring. Yeah, it works in the Elder Scrolls because there are actually places you WANT to go, and they aren't protected by meat walls. The music? I don't remember any of it. I don't even remember any of the enviroments, except generic forest. Yeah, Oblivion had quite a few of those, but the cities looked unique, and the ruins you could find in them kept you wanting to look. It's honestly going to be harder for me to talk about these games from here on out because I don't tend to play them a lot. When they're this bland or broken, why would anyone want to play it any further? Number 4: Gex – Enter the Gecko (Game Boy Color) No, not its not the one for the PlayStation, or even the N64. This is its port—for the game boy color. So, when I was a kid, about seven-years-old, I was into all manner of platformers. I played a lot of Spyro, a lot of Crash Bandicoot, and a lot of Ape Escape. Then there was Gex: Enter the Gecko. While it was never my favorite, it had its own identity and was full to play with some really good level design. I liked it a lot, even if I didn't understand Gex's pop culture references. And I still don't because that particular aspect of the game hadn't aged very well. So when I was this kid who really liked 3D platformers and having played Gex: Enter the Gecko, I saw the game boy color version on the shelf. Apparently I was too stupid to realize that you couldn't put something that big on a cartridge as small as one for the Game Boy Color. First of all, it's a 2D Platformer like the original Gex. The original Gex was probably my least favorite of the series (besides this one, obviously) for two reasons. Number one, I was never into 2D Platformers to begin with and I went backwards from Gex 2. Also, the original Gex didn't allow you to save, and relied on you using passwords. I understand that it was a port from the 3DO, but this was more than 10 years after The Legend of Zelda, and in the Playstation era games without the ability to save were pretty much inexcusable unless they were a game like Tetris. However, Gex: Enter the Gecko for the game boy tried to be like its console self, keeping the same missions that were in the original game—missions that were designed for 3D environments. The hiding places of things like the 5 whatevers you needed to collect would either be too obvious or too cryptic, and this game had them both. Not helping is that this game had zero of the charm and great level design of the original. The music was horribly bit-crushed and everything was boring. It is a boring, boring game. And it felt like a scam to cash in on the success of the console game. Number 3: Spyro – Enter the Dragonfly (Gamecube) Spyro the Dragon for the original playstation was the first game I had ever played, so the franchise meant a lot to me. I played the PlayStation trilogy so many times through, and had so much fun on each playthrough. Then came the next console generation. Believe it or not, the first GameCube Spyro game that I had gotten was A Hero's Tail. And I liked it, a lot. It wasn't as good as the original trilogy, but it was fun and functional. The elemental breaths were fun to use and the game designed many cool puzzles around them. Each of them had a utility. I don't like at all what they did to Spyro's character, and I have no idea why they randomly gave Moneybags a middle-eastern accent, but I got used to them as it went on, along with the change to gems in general. I found it hilarious how Gnasty Gnorc in this game was tougher as a first boss in this game than he was in the first game as the last boss. It was enjoyable enough for me to get to 100%. After the Legends of Spyro series bored me, I went back to the only platforming Spyro game I had yet to try: Enter the Dragonfly. I almost instantly hated it. This is one video game I actually wanted to do a video review on. First of all, this is the worst looking Spyro game. All of the character models look bloated and all of the textures look washed out. This game picks up right after Spyro defeated the Sorceress in the third game, and for some reason Ripto is alive after being burned in lava in the second game. Yes, one of the unlockable extras in Spyro 3 shows that both Ripto and Gnasty Gnorc are still alive (probably as a joke), but that doesn't explain why Crush can now talk with an English accent. Also, Ripto—the character defined by his hatred of dragons—wants to rule the world of dragons. Also, this game is... buggy. After I exited the last level of the game, I got a cutscene that should have played when I entered the first. The load times are some of the worst, I've ever seen. Remember the first time the original Animal Crossing saved on the GameCube? Get used to times like that. There are loading screens for the fucking loading screens. And I'm talking about the GameCube version here. Apparently, the PlayStation 2 version had even LONGER loading times. The worst aspect of this game is the main aspect: collecting things. In the first Spyro game, you're tasked with finding crystal dragons... that don't move. In the second one, you're tasked with finding orbs... that don't move (around anyway). In the third one, you're tasked with finding dragon eggs... that don't move. In this game you have to collect dragonflies (which yes, does break any continuity that the series had). They run around and you have to chase them using bubble breath, which essentially does no damage to enemies. It can take upwards of 3 minutes to catch any dragonflies. It's like they took the thieves from the first game, gave them no preset path, and made it every single collectable in the game. It's annoying. It also makes any minigames make no goddamn sense. You could hand me dragon eggs and orbs in the previous games because they weren't constantly trying to get away. Here's a fun fact. I went through every single world, and they didn't tell me where the hell to find the boss, or what I needed to unlock the final boss fight. As for the worlds themselves? They are bland, unoriginal, and uninspired. The Dragon Dojo idea was done better in Spyro 3 with both the Fireworks Factory and Bamboo Terrace. Crop Circle Country was down better in Spyro 2 with Robitca Farms. And it goes on and on like that. I'd pick Spyro 1's Lofty Castle over this game's Cloud 9. With only 9 worlds, you'd think they'd be a little bit more creative here. I mean, the first areas in Spyro 2 (Colossus & Idol Springs) showed off the game's new exciting features (mini games and swimming respectively). The third one's Sunny Villa showed off a theme that the games before it hadn't done yet, and a kickass minigame to boot. Dragon Dojo is one of the most uninspired levels I've ever played through, and its minigame is a speedway (something left for the hub world in previous games... for a reason). Because this game has less levels, they made each of them huge... making it easy to get lost in and a giant pain to find every little thing. If anything it makes me glad that gems in A Hero's Tail weren't something you needed to find all of. This was another game that had rushed development. There were supposed to be over 120 dragonflies and over 25 levels spanning over multiple worlds. In other words, before the corporate idiots kicked it out the door, it was actually supposed to be a Spyro game. I don't know how good it would have been because the dragonfly-bubble breath idea is the most stupid one in the entire series and nothing could have really saved that. People have got to stop rushing out games. It doesn't make a profit. It just makes shovelware. Number 2: Fable III (Xbox 360) Question: How many bad features does it take to completely and irrepairably damage a game to the point of making it unplayable. The answer is one. And Fable III found it with the sanctuary. For those who don't know, in Fable III to access anything in your inventory, you need to press a button, go through a loading screen, walk around a house, find a specific room, find the item you want to equip, and then go through another loading screen to get out of it. This is in an Action RPG, a genre that frequently requires going through your inventory. It's not even inovative. Terranigma did this exact thing, in 1995, and did it RIGHT. There are no loading screens, you can go right to the segment you want to go, and when you go back into the inventory, you're in the game place you left, so you can use multiple healing items really quickly. Also, since it was on the SNES, loading screens hadn't been invented yet. With that one mechanic, I rage quitted this game in a record-setting 7 minutes (after intro cutscenes). I got back into it later and slogged as far as I could. In Fable II, you had three types of combat: gunplay, swordplay, and magic. And each of them had its uses. In this one, you're only going to use magic because it's the best. Fable is a series that markets itself on choice, and one of the most important choices is essentially decided for you. Fable II kind of had that problem, at least with the ending (revive the dog. That's the best choice. Or else you'll never be able to find any of the secrets you missed and you won't be able to complete the game as much as possible). Fable is a series that I've always had mixed feelings about. The first one was competing with Morrowind, and has such the only freedom it had was letting the player choose their direction on narrowly defined pathways. Morrowind let you explore a content. Fable II's story just left the most sour taste because of Theresa just using you, the whole time. I mean in Fable I, it was actually a hard choice whether or not to kill Theresa for the sword of Aeons. After what she does in Fable II, there's no regret anymore. The sword is mine. And not to mention the "final boss" of Fable II, which is still a punchline to this day. And those were games I enjoyed. I tolerated Fable's short-comings because they were fun games to play. The combat was interesting. I liked upgrading my spells in Fable I because they aided my combat skills (using slow time with something like assassin's rush). Fable II actually sort of had the freedom that Fable I promised and didn't deliver on and is probably the best of the series. The good gameplay is what dragged me along that bad story. Fable III doesn't have good gameplay. The sanctuary alone is the worst feature in any game that I've ever played. It takes up too much time. It breaks flow. Inventory management is supposed to be fast and almost seamless. Any compentant RPG, any competant game knows that. Also, can we please stop having that moment in the main quest that keeps you away from your life, home, and family for like a decade (meaning that some of them may be dead)... in a series that has some of its best features being able to get a life, home, and family. It's doesn't make me feel worse for my character, or worse towards the antagonist. It makes me feel worse towards the developers. Number 1: 8 Eyes NES I have no idea why the AVGN hasn't tackled this game yet. It is horrible. I mean, technically, it's functional. It also has a good soundtrack. Beyond that, it's not redeemable in the slightest. Imagine if some guy today just started playing NES games and didn't play beyond their most frustrating parts, went back in time, and made a NES game based on them. First of all, it's pretty much a clone of Castlevania. The gameplay is the same, the controls are the same, the enemies are pretty much palette swaps of Castlevania's. It even keeps the climbing up and down the stairs mechanic that every Castlevania fan loves so much. Castlevania isn't the only game that this game rips off though. One of the enemies is the Unicorn from Ghosts n' Goblins. It starts you off on a level select, just like Mega Man. This time though they're regions of the world, like Egypt, Spain, Germany, Africa (that's not a country), and Arabia. Yes, They have Egypt, its continent of Africa, and its world region of Arabia all as seperate levels. It's a lot like Mega Man, in more ways than one. When you beat a specific region, your sword becomes more powerful against the boss of another region. In Mega Man, it's made up of logic. Fire beats water, etc. But here's the thing: your sword can only be powerful against one boss at a time, so if you do things in the wrong order you'll have a hard time with at least two of them. And this is a hard game. Enemies will constantly keep doing cheap damage. They respawn right in front of them. Some enemies are unkillable. You have a secondary weapon, but it usually does nothing—often going through the enemies. Alright here's how the game works. The level select cursor starts you on Arabia. Your sword starts off powered by Spain. By beating Spain your sword gets powered up against Egypt. By beating Egypt your sword gets powered up by Italy. Italy beats India. India beats Africa. Africa beats Germany. And Germany beats Arabia. The level your cursory starts on is the last one you're supposed to go to. There's no real reason in a game like this to have you play the levels out of order. Besides the different music, they levels aren't all that different. They look relatively the same and they have enemies that are clones of one another. To get through a stage you need to flip some switches to open doors. All you need to do is hit them with your sword. However, each of these are timed. And sometimes there's an unkillable enemy between the switch and the door. The Africa level has a maze like the forest in Legend of Zelda where you're going through a loop of the same room for god knows how long. Luckily the developers were competant enough to code out the time limit that exists in every NES game for no good reason. So you've got no time limit and infinite continues. If you die, you'll be booted to the title screen where you'll be asked whether you want to "initiate" or "continue." The game ends with a boss rush. Well sort of. In each of the worlds, there exists a secret hidden clue. Hidden in a random block. The only way to find them is to hit every brick in the game because it's not intuitive in the slightest. These clues are for a final "puzzle." It tells you where to place colored gems on a pedestal that allows final victory to be had. Except this game has a second quest and a third quest. Also you have a bird that player two can control. I never figured out how to use it. All it did was get pwned by any enemies I sent him too. The bird has its own health bar, so when you first play you'll never know whether you're close to death or the bird is. It's a really bad game that you'd need to see for yourself to know truly why I despise it. I don't play bad games based on curiosity. I did have this one growing up, and I never really did play it. I didn't have Castlevania either. As a kid, I knew that it was bad. Cryptic stuff didn't bother me much. I enjoyed Zelda fairly well. I could deal with some slow and counter-intuitive design. I could easily pick up and play Dash Galaxy in the Alien Asylum (it's on the lower side of meh). I could even deal with difficulty. The music and level choice tricked me into playing it for awhile, which is devious. Most other games on this level (think Hydelide) show pretty much everything that they've got straight up, so you're bound to give them up fairly quickly if you don't like them. 8 Eyes hides its badness. If you don't like one level, maybe you'll like another one. You have no reason to believe that they're all bad as one another. The levels all look different sure, but they're designed roughly the same (except the Africa level's stupid repeating maze). Just as infuriating. This feels like a game that was made by a free gamemaker, using the assets of other games, but it was a commercial release. It's a blatant rip-off of Castlevania with absolutely none of its redeeming features, except maybe music. Most of the music in 8 Eyes is actually good. If the level design was done well and the areas were more unique this could have been fun, maybe it could have even been the Castlevania equivalent of Alundra (it's pretty much Zelda). But as it is, it's frustrating, and boring, and it tricks you into playing longer than you should. Category:Top Tens